Such a wonderful essay. I "felt" your angst regarding sitting still and letting go. It's HARD. (I call my dog "My LIttle Buddha," because he is so good at living in the present moment.) But he, too, has "history.." A former hunting beagle, he loses his mind if he ever hears anything that sounds remotely like a gunshot. Also, guitars and the music they make, freak him out. Not sure about that one.