How To Be a Middle-aged Woman

You’re Doing it all Wrong

Image purchased from CANVA

Middle-aged women should work in banks, hospitals, and other respectable places

They should remember birthdays, passwords, and know how to cook their father-in-law’s favourite dish on auto-pilot

Middle-aged women should be good at budgeting

And instinctively know intricate details about laundry

They should sport short, no-nonsense haircuts (especially after the age of forty-five), and leave the short skirts and dangly earrings to the millennials

Middle-aged women should have term deposits

RRSPs

An undergrad degree

And Costco memberships

They women should belong to book clubs — the kind that are less about literature, and more about wine and chuckles about getting it on with Johnny Depp — and they should never arrive empty-handed

Middle-aged women should NEVER wear odd socks

Or think Christmas is a pain in the ass

Or escape from a party to hang out with the dog in the back yard

And, for the love of God

Middle-aged women should never press their fingers into melting candle wax at dinner parties

So, women friends … and men, too, for that matter. What’s your secret for aging well? For me, it’s all about the candle wax. (And dancing badly in the shower.)
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